I downloaded Tinder again, even though I knew it was a mistake.
It’s like re-downloading trauma. With filters.

Every guy’s bio is like:

“Not looking for drama.”
Translation: Causes drama but hates being blamed for it.

“Love to laugh.”
Okay. Who doesn’t? You want someone who hates laughter? “Hi, I’m Carl. I prefer coughing.”

“Work hard, play harder.”
You sell Herbalife. Relax.

Then there’s always one guy holding a fish.
Why are you holding a fish, Kevin?
Is that your personality? “Hi, I’m emotionally unavailable but I can catch trout.”

And the messages?

First day:

“Hey cutie.”
Day two:
“You’re beautiful.”
Day three:
“Why did you ghost me?? I LOVED YOU.”

Sir. We spoke for eight words.

Tinder is just emotional speedrunning.

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